


It's Fine

by LucifersUnicorn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Gen, a bit fluff on the end, angsty, hopefully comforting, kinda self esteem issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 13:13:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11875239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucifersUnicorn/pseuds/LucifersUnicorn
Summary: Request on Tumblr by Anonymous ): Imagine having serious personal problems(depression and such) and not venting or telling the guys or cas (or other angels) because you feel like your troubles can't compare to their own suffering. You feel like you'd be being over dramatic or selfish, so you just let it build up and everyday it gets worse till it's to the point where they notice, causing you to break down and tell them.





	It's Fine

Waking up, you groaned as you looked over at the clock. 4 in the morning.

  
You could see that it was still dark outside through the motel window and you turned around and tried to sleep again.

 

It was another of those nights where you didn't get enough sleep or wake up every few hours.

 

Either this or you could sleep almost the whole night and day if no hunt was in the way.

 

There was no in between.

 

You had your eyes closed and you didn't know how long you laid there, but it was a knock on your door that made you open your eyes and realize that it was bright day. Looking over to the clock again you saw that it was now 8 in the morning. You didn't realize you had laid there for 4 hours without getting anymore sleep.

 

“Y/N are you awake?” you heard Sam say from outside the door.

 

Groaning you made yourself get up, at least sitting on the bed first. Today was another day where you would rather like to pull your blanket over your head and ignore the world. Again a day where you didn't want to care about anything that's out there.

  
You knew something was not okay with you and again you asked yourself how you ended up here in this life, with these feelings.

 

Of course you knew how, and you could think how you end up in this bad condition, everything you're confronted with daily, but how could you think that your problems were worse than what the others have been through.

Sure you lost your family to the supernatural and you had some pretty rough times but that's nothing compared to going literally to hell, being possessed by Satan, or loosing all your powers as a celestial being Anderson having to suddenly live human.

 

It would be selfish and inappropriate to vent about it to the boys or Cas. What would they think of you ? What would they tell you ? Would they ask you if you're seriously coming to them with such pathetic problems when there were real problems ?

 

Not realizing how long you sat there letting those thoughts run around your head you got pulled back into reality when you heard your getting door opened.

 

“Y/N...oh you are awake. I thought you're still asleep.” Sam said with a smile but your mind tried to twist it and turn it into something bad. Of course he thought you were still asleep, your lazy ass was always sleeping or in bed right ? No you tried to push those thoughts away, Sam would never think of you like that, he was probably just worried, but then again they had worse to worry about.

 

“Everything alright?”

 

“Huh? Oh yeah I'm fine.” you shook your head a bit, coming back to reality and offered him a small smile. Sam furrowed his brows slightly but decided apparently to take your answer.

Of course he'd take this answer so quick, he doesn't want to ask if you have problems out of fear you could say yes and he would have to care about this also. But then again, Sam wouldn't be like this, right? It was a constant fight in your head.

 

“I just wanted to know if you're in for leaving town a bit earlier so we can stop somewhere and get breakfast.”

 

“Sure, why not ?” you answered but in reality you'd rather not. There weren't many other options since you didn't want to be in their way, you felt like you were in their way too much anyways.

 

“Okay see you in 15 minutes then?” Sam asked and you nod, waiting for him to turn around and leave the room.

 

It took you another few minutes before you finally got up from your bed to drag yourself into the bathroom and get ready. You loved taking showers but first getting there you hated. That didn't matter now though because you really needed one before being on the road for hours again and you didn't have much time left. So you had to force yourself.

 

Just in time you were done and you silently praised yourself a little for being at least once so clever that you packed your bag the evening before so you only had to put a few things you used this morning in it now.

 

Getting to the car you mentally prepared yourself for breakfast and you were glad when you arrived at the place Dean chose, that you didn't stay that long.

 

Not half an hour later the four of you were on the road. Dean and Sam of course in the front, Cas and you sharing the backseat.

 

Since he was still human at the moment he couldn't just teleport and meet the rest of you home.

 

You thought about talking to the boys again, but you quickly scolded yourself. You also thought about talking to Cas but how could you think about that ? He was human now and he still struggled with being human and everything that comes around with it. You couldn't just go to him and vent about your silly problems.

 

Being lost in your mind again you didn't hear the boys talking to you until you felt a hand, Castiel's hand, slightly tapping your shoulder, making you jump.

 

“Hello ? Earth to Y/N, are you there?” You heard Dean ask as you see his eyes in the rearview mirror looking at you.

 

“Yeah, what's the matter?” you asked back.

 

“You kinda seemed lost, is everything alright ?” you heard the slight concern in Dean's voice. You didn't want them to be concerned, hell they had enough problems they don't need another one.

 

“Of course.” you answered, trying to put that fake smile again on your face, looking from one to the other of the three men as if you were trying to see if they believe you.

It was Cas you looked at last and it was him who looked at you confused, making you quickly turn away, staring out of the window.

 

He couldn't know that you lied, could he? He was human, he doesn't have his angel lie detecting right now. Or were you so obvious ? But then the boys would've probably said something. Well, or maybe not, maybe they don't because they are afraid you will say you have problems and they would feel obliged to take care of yours. Or they're so deep into their own that they can't see yours, which is okay, theirs are way bigger.

 

You couldn't wait to finally be back at the bunker again, crawl in your bed and binge some shows or try to get some more sleep.

 

 

It was around a month since your last hunt. You felt bad and weak, you trained with the boys a few days ago but almost collapsed. The boys were surprised but also worried since they saw that you were often 'sleeping' and you normally should be relaxed and strengthened. You told them it was nothing but they insisted that you stay home and do research for a while. Thinking it was some kind of virus.

 

But you knew it wasn't a virus, it was worse. From most viruses you can recover, but this ? This got worse and worse from day to day. Or maybe you were just whiny. Maybe it was that.

 

You laid in your bed and stared at the ceiling and you guessed that you did that for hours now, again because for hours you couldn't sleep, having so many thoughts running wild. But you couldn't bring yourself to stand up either, you just didn't care enough. At least not until your phone rang and you knew you had to take the call.

 

It was probably Sam, Dean or Cas, needing some information on the hunt they're on a few towns away.

And you couldn't get a bigger problem to them by failing them in something so easy as looking stuff up. It was dumb enough that you weren't out there helping them.

 

“Hey Sam.” you said after seeing the caller ID and taking the call.

  
“Hey Y/N, you good?” he asked, Sam always asked and you always answered the same.

 

“Of course, I'm fine.” and again you put on that fake smile, the smile he couldn't see but it was the tone of the voice that would reveal you otherwise. “But you of course didn't just call me to ask me how I am.”

 

“I'd do that too, but no today I did not only call to ask that. I also need some information about this demon we have here. Background information, we got a name and everything but we need you to find out where he's buried. We can't get him any other way so we wanna burn his bones.” he explained.

 

“Sure no problem.” you forced yourself to stand up and walk in the library, keeping Sam on the phone while you did your research, trying not to groan and you were surprised that for a demon in this rank, he wasn't more clever in hiding his bones, but well Crowley wasn't careful with that either.

 

“Okay, thanks a lot Y/N!” Sam said after taking notes about what you found out. “If everything works out fine we'll be back tomorrow.”  
  
“Awesome,” you answered. “See you guys tomorrow then.”  
  
If they come back tomorrow that means you had at least another 24 hours to lay around or sleep.

And so you went back into your bed after ending the call.

 

 

A knocking on your door made you jump up and grab your angel blade. Looking over at the clock you saw that you eventually slept a long time after struggling to fall asleep yesterday and you realized that the knocking was probably the boys wanting to tell you they were back. No attacker would knock.

 

“Hey Y/N, we're back,” you heard Cas. “Can I come in?”

 

Not bothering to move you just called that he could come in. Taking the chair from your desk to turn it into the direction of your bed where you are lying, he sat down.

 

You didn't even bother to look over at him. “How was the hunt?” you just noticed now how raspy your voice was and then that you must have cried.

 

“The hunt was okay but you don't look like you are.” Cas answered. You were sure that even with the dim light in your room he must have noticed how you looked and you probably didn't look good since you didn't have any time to fix yourself a bit.

 

“It's fine Cas.” you tried to smile but instead tears were welling up in your eyes.

 

“No it's not. You're not fine and Dean, Sam and I are worried. We thought about one of us staying behind this last hunt so you're not alone.” Cas said, taking your hand in his and you couldn't help but start crying.

 

They noticed, you tried so hard that they don't notice your silly problems and they did. And now they will have you as another problem.

 

“I'm sorry I'm such a whiny problem, you have worse and I'm here with my silly problems being a burden.” you mumbled as you rubbed the tears away with your sleeve of the hand Cas didn't hold but that didn't help much.

 

“You're not a problem or burden and your problems aren't less bad just because you think others have worse.” you heard Sam from the door, making you look over there seeing him and Dean standing there.

   
“You're like a little sister to us and we love you. Don't you ever think you can't talk to us. It doesn't matter what the problem is, just talk.” Dean reassured you, coming in the room followed by Sam as they sat down on your bed, making you sit up so there was more room.

 

Sam pulled you into a hug, making you close your eyes and sniffle, hugging him back as you felt first Dean and then eventually Cas joining the hug too.

 

“We'll be there for you, we will make it through this, together. You're family, we're family.” Sam said with a soothing quiet voice, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. “Always keep fighting, Y/N.”

 


End file.
